F.E.A.R

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Busyness doesn’t equal importance and our most important endeavor each day is to simply slow down and connect with our Creator.

The word of the last two weeks for me has been: FEAR. You got it, fear. What do I fear? Why do I fear? What is my fear keeping me from? How do I conquer those fears?

A word for my soul y’all, in every sense of the meaning. When I was given the homework of writing down my fears, how those fears affect my life and how to overcome them, I had a big task at hand that’s for sure. So, we aren’t talking about my fears of bugs (any and all) or my fears of snakes, spiders, etc… No, we are talking about life altering fears that can be crippling and pull me away from the woman I am destined to be. My fear of not being perfect (if I was perfect, we wouldn’t have needed the blood of Jesus, duh!), my fear of not being successful, my fear of not serving enough, my fear of not being the proverbs 31 wife, not being healthy & fit enough, OMG – the list of my fears could go on and on! Fear is a sin, God says not to worry or fear anything, for He will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

“I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears” Psalm 34:4

So, my fears keep me hustling in this life and busy as ever trying to run from my fears because I am afraid they will take over my life. Like, I can outperform my fears! I am guilty of trying to do it all for everybody and wearing every hat I can stack on top of my pretty little head. All the while trying to extinguish these fears of mine by proving I am super human. Hahahah. For real, thank God for His undeserving grace. All these hats and all this busyness can weigh me down and wear me out and I have spent almost all of my life doing and being everything for everyone and never nurturing myself or my soul. In my growth, my evolution, my discovery of myself, that is all changing. Feels weird. Feels different. Looks and sounds different. In today’s society, a climate of endless activities often breeds busyness. And busyness usually births an anxious soul, as we wrongly surmise that busyness equals importance. I had it all wrong, I did more moving than sitting, I was more Mary than Martha, being so consumed by the tasks than building the relationships.

“But I trust in you, LORD; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands.” Psalm 31:14-15

This anxiety, this need to make sure I am everything to everyone has caused me to make some mistakes over the years. A lot of mistakes. Primarily putting myself last. I’ve missed important events, not being in the moment, missing the blessing of my journey and lacking peace and rest. I haven’t perfectly mastered the art of the right “yes” and the right “no” but I am further ahead in learning that I have to make time for me, for God and for the things that are important. We only get one shot at this life and happiness is crucial. Disorder in our life brings so much stress because we try to hang on to more than we can handle. I’m learning that I find more peace when I let go of the clutter and focus on the joy of being a faithful steward of the life God gave me.

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For years all I have thought about is what I need to do to expand my family, what the next step is to overcoming infertility, how to prioritize my marriage, keeping the perfect home, serving God fully, working three jobs, running a business… and on it goes. While my unfinished tasks may tempt me to worry, Christ stands whispering … Stop. Halt the hustle. Resist the rush. Press pause to find a little calm in the chaos. Seek first My kingdom and My righteousness, and all of these things will be given to you as well.

God reassured me He doesn’t need me to manage everything, just what He’s called me to do.

Out goes the stuff that overwhelms me: the busyness, the hurry, distractions or idleness, disorganization, perfectionism or any other roadblocks to peace. I’m not running from these fears anymore – I’m facing them head on with the truths of His word. I am learning self-love, self-worth and self-identity on a whole new level. I am learning that saying “no” is okay and not being everything to everyone won’t push me any further from Heaven. These thing may be normal for most, but for me, they are new lessons, like a child learning to read. Hard to understand, immense effort required, but at completion of learning, an understanding that opens worlds of opportunity and clarity.

It’s easy to misplace our identity in such roles. And sadly for many believers, often the last hat we place on top is the crown we wear as a daughter of the King of Kings. Different seasons of life bring change to our world, and change brings the need for continual refinement. So often we are measured in this culture by things that have little eternal value, like how in shape (or out-of-shape) we are, the size of our home, the prestige of our job, our cute shoes or wardrobe. Always being discontent. It’s not discontentment anymore in the place I am at, it’s the desire to continually work towards being the woman who God has called me to be, the best me I can be while appreciate and loving every second of where I am at.

I am strong because of Him
I am generous in His name
I am loved by Him
I am fearless because of Him
I live boldly because of Him

Maybe, just maybe, His words will prompt us to do a little hat-reduction, ridding our schedules of some of the activities that clamor for our attention, unsettle our souls and draw us away from time spent with Him. I want relationships over busyness. It’s not about perfection, it’s about progression.

The Waiting Room

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“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14

I really thought I loved the ideal of me being able to control everything, including the timing of things. Growing up there were so many things I was unable to control, so I promised myself long ago I would control my own life and my destiny, no one and nothing would tell me what to do or dictate the success of my destiny.

To me, being in control meant I wasn’t lost, I wasn’t vulnerable, I couldn’t be hurt and I could make sure that I get the things in life I know I deserve. Then, life started happening in bountiful peaks and valleys and I very, very slowly realized I do not get to really control very much in my life. I’m a bit of a perfectionist and a hard head…okay?! Takes me a few knocks to finally start getting it.

If you have been reading the blog or know me personally, I am a go-getter and struggle with asking for help or elongated bouts of patience. It’s a blessing and a curse. Hey, I’m a work in progress. So, waiting is something that tends to stress me out and bring me frustration.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”  Galatians 6:9

What can you do while you wait for God to answer, to work, to supply?

So, God has definitely been polishing me, extracting all the things from inside me and around my life that are not good for me. He has been putting me in situations that force me to choose, force me to love myself and force me to believe in Him. It’s taken me some time to have my eyes opened so that I can see and notice things shifting in my life. Not easy time either, it literally stinks waiting for what I want, expecting God to answer my prayers and deliver my blessings. Waiting is not easy.

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But there are so many things that take place in the waiting room. Preparation, qualification, growth, refinement and acknowledgement. We get to see God’s power most while in the waiting room. We realize how little we can do on our own which heightens our awareness of God’s unlimited ability. In the waiting room our character is polished and refined and we are taught hope and perseverance. Iron sharpens iron, right?! In my experience I have noticed the most spiritual growth in the waiting room, hasn’t been easy for me to accept but the transformation in my life keeps me in awe. Waiting on God has changed my life, it’s forced me to choose Him or my own ways and it has truly taught me what it is to walk by faith and not by sight. In the waiting room, I serve, I love, I sacrifice, I cry, I submit; I know these things do not go unnoticed by God.

Because we’re limited by our perspective as worldly humans, we’ll never be able to grasp the vast difference between the way we view the events in our lives and the way God views them. This is where faith and trust must enter. Faith in Him is a hard thing to fake. You can’t just say “Oh I trust God to handle this” but then worry and try to take things in your own hands. You literally have to give it over to God and sit in your chair in His waiting room and wait to be called. At the center of our struggle with waiting is the conflict between our timeline and God’s.

Reluctantly I had to hand my marriage and my husband over to God. I had to hand my infertility over to God. I had to hand the launch and success of our businesses over to God. Shoot, who am I kidding?! I had to hand my whole life over to God. I clearly wasn’t getting it right. But even with all the mistakes, all the times I knew better, the times I lashed out – His grace overflowed.  Thank God for His grace. Grace can be defined as God’s provision for our every need when we need it. The exact interpretation of that verse is “My power is being perfected in your weakness.” In other words, God’s provision of grace is a continuing process, not a one-time event.

Everything I do now, every decision I make, I have to remember to go to Him first, in prayer, so that His perfect plan can be revealed. I don’t like waiting but I am beginning to enjoy the journey along the way. I am working more and more each day to love me, love where He has me and live in gratefulness. Not forgetting what I want and where I want to be, just working more not to miss all the blessings along the way. I’m far different today than I was and I know my future will be greater than my past. What matters most isn’t what’s happening to us but what’s happening in us.

“I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. When I am weak, then I am strong”

So, grab His book and take a seat, get comfy being polished in the waiting room. Your time is coming, your blessings are waiting. Be obedient my friend and just Be Still.

Faith, Hope & Love

“For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:30

Mother’s Day for me is a whirlwind of emotions, smiles, tears, laughter, blessings and heartache. Yes, I said heartache. Y’all, when I tell you the devil is beating on my door more ferociously then ever before, it’s an understatement. I have been resting on this verse and praying fiercely for God to take all these burdens away. I honestly feel like Job right now, but I will not denounce or curse God in my life.

Whooo Mother’s Day 2016, a day I was blessed to celebrate all the women in my life that mother with fearlessness and faith, mother’s who excel despite any circumstance and never lose hope. I love mothers and I appreciate every single woman taking on the duty of motherhood, especially those doing it alone. Mother’s living by Faith, Hope & Love.

I’m also reminded of the sweet man in my life who has not only been my father, but also my mother. The man who wears so many hats but is never to busy to be 2 parents in one. No, it’s not ideal being a single dad but my daddy did it with faith, hope & love. He raised three children as a single dad and to this day has never be absent when I really need him. My heart swells up and I am so humbled that God blessed me with him. So, each year I wish my daddy a happy Mother’s day too, a father who had to make the choice to also be a mother.

My sweet, graceful, exquisite, elegant, patient mother in law; the woman I was blessed with by marriage and so very thankful for her presence in my life. She is an ever-present example of a God-fearing woman, a proverbs 31 woman and a patient, gentle, loving mother. The way she loves her son, my husband, is something I have never experienced first hand but it’s so amazing to be a witness to that type of love. The wife she is, the faithful servant of God and the glue that keeps it all together; she is a mother to me more than she knows. Faith, Hope & Love.

Although I was extremely antsy and borderline in tears on Sunday, I sat in the sanctuary of our church and asked the Lord to open my ears to hear His word. My Pastor brought that word directly to me and made me so happy I chose to go to service. He told the story of Abraham and his son, the son he was going to offer as sacrifice to the Lord. God tested Abraham with his most prized possession, his child. I don’t know about you, but I would be on the fence about sacrificing my child. Abraham was so faithful and so obedient. Then this story began to unravel and speak to my heart; I have been on my journey to sacrifice my situations and life to the Lord. Giving what I have to Him on the altar in faith that He will make a way. I’m walking up that mountain with my infertility, my past mistakes, my husband, my marriage, my businesses and my relationships. I believe by faith that God will provide a ram and renew all things in his presence.

 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.” – Genesis 22:17

Happy non-mother’s day to me. It’s almost crippling to want children and not have any, to have every mother’s day pass and you never hear “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom” and to be waiting for God’s will. Every mother’s day for a woman who is battling infertility is like standing on a thousand needles barefoot. The husbands who are standing next to these woman struggle with finding a way to ease that pain and provide comfort and support. Infertility makes mother’s day hard. But, thankfully my eyes are focused UP and I know He has a plan for me, my husband and our future children. Kuddos to my hubby for standing beside me giving me strength even though I know his heart was hurting too.

There were some very sweet texts I received on mother’s day that brightened my day and made me thankful. People wished me a happy mother’s day regardless of me being childless. They shared with me how they see me caring for people and know that I am always taking care of someone. How sweet it is to have people sensitive to your journey and willing to celebrate with you right where you are. I know God is working all things together for our good and I know He is preparing us to expand our family, we just had to be tested. He had to know that when we are blessed with children we wouldn’t give credit to IVF, modern-day medicine, adoption, money or doctors, that we would give Him all the glory. We are living by Faith, Hope and Love. Never giving up Hope, walking by Faith and Loving others with God’s love.

So, my mother’s day is coming y’all and until it does I am celebrating all the mother’s and women battling infertility everywhere!

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

 

I am 1 in 8

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Infertility. 

Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples trying to conceive. This week is National Infertility Awareness Week – April 24 – 30, 2016. Most people are not familiar with infertility, its causes, its effects or the aftermath of infertility.

Ryan & Krystle Phillips are 1 in 8.

My husband and I have been battling infertility since 2008 and if you have read our journey then you know, infertility has created unimaginable, horrific, tragic, blessed, graceful, beautiful and unforgettable impressions in our lives. Through tragedy we have found hope, love, peace and grace, all at God’s feet.

Be Still My heart. 

My eyes well up with tears, tears that show vulnerability, fear, disappointment, neglect, hope, faith, love and wonder; tears for all the us for the couples/women/men that suffer/struggle/endure/overcome infertility. It’s not easy and it can try to suck the life out of you and everything around you.

Infertility doesn’t define me, who I am, what I am worth, or God’s promises for my life. 

Devil, get thee behind me! I used to allow infertility/loss/tragedy/incapability plague me, cripple me and keep me in the depths of despair and negativity. It was toxic. It was affecting my marriage, my friendships and my sanity. I would label myself as “infertile” and tell myself I am not worthy, God has forgotten me, I am not special enough to have children, I don’t deserve it. I would cringe at every commercial, every pregnant woman, baby showers, anything that had to do with children. Boy, was I more wrong than ever?! Infertility is not my label. To hell with that. I am a daughter of  the King, a most prized possession of the Lord of Lords and God has not forgotten me, He loves me and He will fulfill the deepest desires of my heart. Infertility is not who I am, its only part of my journey.

Y’all, I can’t even begin to tell you the enormous amount of tears I’ve cried. Over our lost babies, the surgeries, the mental and physical effects, over the future children we will have, over the children’s lives we impact and over the provision in our lives when the Lord rains down His blessings in conception. I spent most of my life making sure pregnancy wasn’t unplanned, then, right when I want to have a child – I can’t. Well can’t isn’t in my vocabulary. So, wth?! I have been in the depths of hell, at the feet of Jesus, in my prayer closet crying out to God to heal me, save me, bring me peace. He hears and feels every cry.

Infertility sucks. 

This journey, although not how my “amazing planner self” planned it out, has brought me to a place I never imagined being. A place of redemption, salvation, forgiveness, growth, healing, restoration and reconciliation. Then, I think, God’s plans for my life are greater than I can ever imagine. Y’all, my life is in the best place it has ever been. Not because I’m perfect, my husband is perfect, my marriage is perfect, or anything is perfect. Because of grace. His grace. I literally have worked over the last few years to give up my infertility and the entire topic of conception/children/expanding our family to God. I mean, really? What the heck can I do? Children are a divine and intentional blessing from God. No matter how many IVF treatments, labs, doctors, money or fertility attempts, the last check box to conception is God’s mighty hand. Even with adoption, God’s will has to be done to complete the child entering your life. I was missing every blessing in our lives and driving myself bonkers by labeling myself infertile and living in that black hole.

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Thank God for His grace. Thank God for His mercy. Thank God for His forgiveness.

This very blog started because of infertility. The restoration in my marriage accelerated because of infertility. The inseparable/irreplaceable/invaluable relationship I have with God strengthened through infertility. Every lesson is a blessing. God is working all things together for our good. It took me a very, very long time to see these blessings. I made a choice not to live in negativity anymore and be consumed by infertility. Rather, I decided to grow, improve, advance and excel through infertility. I pray my journey brings hope and love to others. I am a fighter and a survivor, but what God has done in my life and in our lives, is nothing short of a miracle. I am everything they said I wouldn’t be. Thank God.

To every single person dealing with infertility, you are not alone. I am there with you. I feel your pain. I understand the tears. I am fighting the same fight. I encourage you to look UP not down and know that your heart’s desires will come to fruition. In God’s timing. In the meantime, use your story, your journey, your legacy to bring hope to others and to continue building awareness for infertility. To those that know people suffering with infertility, sometimes a simple “I’m here for you, I don’t understand, but I am here to listen” is all you need to bring support and comfort. I can promise you, there are far more people close to you suffering with infertility than you probably even know about. Don’t feel pity and don’t feel sorry for those suffering with infertility. Feel empowered by their strength, their tenacity, their perseverance and their faith. Infertility Warriors.

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So, during this week it is bittersweet but it is also so exhilarating. God knew what He was doing in our lives. He knew I and we are strong enough to handle these storms and He knew what we needed when we had no clue at all. Never in a million years would I have wished to have multiple children and lose my mind, my job, my husband or my self-worth. I would have never wanted to trade children for salvation. I want children more than anything in the world but the blessings in my life, the path I am walking, the strength I am building and the love I am living are all grooming me for the greatest of God’s gifts that have my name on them.

Happily we are praying for provision and direction in our infertility journey. We will pursue expanding our family again, later this year, and we are seeking the will of God to cover us and guide us in the direction He knows is right. Who knows if we will conceive or be granted adoption, only God knows that. BUT, what we do know – we can’t be defeated, we are stronger together than separate, we can and will survive, God is fighting the battle on our behalf, God’s love is our greatest gift and no matter what, we are blessed beyond anything we deserve.

#StartAsking
#NIAW2016

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There’s No Comparison….

“When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” 2 Corinthians 10:12

Comparison, envy and jealousy can all create havoc in your life and cause you to live a life where what you have and where you are is never enough. The addiction to have what others have, do what others do, be what others are, will leave you empty, lonely and unsatisfied. The devil is a lie.

There was a time when all I did was compare myself and measure myself against others. Not against actual facts, but what I saw, a perception I had obtained about what I thought was real. Transparency, yes, I once compared myself to others to dictate my worth and value. See, there is a difference between admiring someone and their successes, being encouraged by someone’s journey, being motivated by others to do better yourself, verses envying what someone else has, being jealous of what someone has or trying to make your life mimic another person’s life.

“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.” James 3:14-15

Satan’s job is to lie, kill, steal and destroy. His work brings doubt and fear into our minds and causes us to sin against God. But, when we know who we are and whose we are, jealousy and envy cannot uproot our lives. When we know what God has for us is for us and no one can ever take that away we can walk in confidence and security. God’s promises for our lives can never be altered or withdrawn by anyone.

It is foolish to live in comparison. All comparisons are. Yet we do it all the time. If only I were like her … if only I had a house like hers, a husband like hers, a job like hers … if only my children behaved like hers … if I only I could bear children…if only _______, then I’d feel significant, satisfied and secure.

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As I grow in my relationship with God, the devil pursues me even more. Some days I have to really channel my thoughts upwards to God to control the lies from consuming my day. Things like: You are not worthy, you cannot have children, the past mistakes you have made will dictate your identity for the rest of your life, the past transgressions in your marriage will happen again, your marriage will fail, your friends will fail you or lie to you, your career will fail, your businesses will not start/begin/thrive……all lies, all the devil’s attempt to keep me in a pool of comparison, envy and jealousy. Further and further away from God’s truths.

Unfortunately, I have experienced more than I would have liked to with people in my circle who envy me, us, what we have or what they see. I’m not flashy, boisterous, pretentious or materialistic. I would give my last to help someone else. However, reality is, what people see of me, my marriage and my life gives a perception that has created jealousy from others. I have watched others speak lies to me, to others about me, try to divide my marriage, smile in my face while wishing I fail behind my back and being downright deceitful. It was all due to jealousy. I’m thankful for God’s provision and removing those people from my life to make room for the right people to come in. Now, I pray for those that have wished harm against me. No one knows the tears, the prayers, the struggles, and the journey to where I/We are now. God’s love story of Hope, never giving up, unending faith, perseverance and strength.

Take health & fitness for example, if you open up IG or FB all you will see if half-naked people showing pretty much everything to everyone, selling every kind of product, wrap, mask, etc… to the millions of people who don’t know their value or want to look like what they see. I mean, scrolling IG can make you feel horrible about your body and wish you looked like everyone else, willing to buy or do anything they are pushing for the dream of looking like them. Screwed up mentality that society has dictated as normal. Comparing your body to theirs, if I only I had those abs/butt/arms/boobs/calves/etc… then I would be perfect! Ha! Comparison can drive someone crazy! Never appreciating what you have, what you are blessed with, and where you are.

The toughest thing to date I have faced is growing; growing into the woman God calls me to be, growing into the wife God expects me to be, growing past the stereotypes, the negative opinions, my childhood, my mistakes, my bad habits and most of all growing out of the lackadaisical pursuit I took with chasing a relationship with God. I pray for God to empty me daily so I can be filled with Him more and more. He didn’t say life would be easy and He said there will be tough times. I ask God to show me the truths in His word that define my value, my worth, my place and my importance. In addition, I keep my circle of influence intentional, I make sure to yoke up with others who seek God first, empower each other and build each other up. I admire the people in my life for their journey and I celebrate and praise their accomplishments as much as they do mine. I stay close to those that speak life into me, my marriage and my journey. Those I can count on when times get tough, who will pray over me, for me and with me. Together, we create strongholds that break down chains, tear up lies and squash comparisons. Mighty extensions of God’s truths.

Comparison will always leave us feeling like we don’t measure up. We can try to do more and be more, yet it’s never enough.

God calls us to use what we have, where we are and do something. What someone else has isn’t for you. You never know the battle someone is fighting or what they have gone through to get where they are. Appreciate the here and now, where you are, what you have and your blessings. When you compare yourself to others you depreciate the value and worth God places in you. The next time you are tempted to compare yourself to others remember to focus on God and who you are in Him.

Do You Know?

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“Long ago the LORD said to Israel: ‘I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.’” Jeremiah 31:3

Do you know just how much God loves you?

Do you know how very important and special you are to Him?

Throughout life we can get very beat down and weathered by our journey. The trials, the tribulations, the celebrations, the failures, it can all begin to weigh us down. It can make us feel unloved, unvalued, unworthy and unappreciated. We may find ourselves looking to outside sources for strength, encouragement, happiness, worth or love. If I get a man, have a baby, get this job, make this money – then, then I will be/feel/look/seem important and appreciated. Those things are so temporary and fade quickly, leaving the original void larger than when you began. When all along, if we would just look to God, he will provide our every need. He will give us strength, peace and love.

There are days I feel like I am not enough or I haven’t done enough, like I’m just. Not. Worthy. It can be a wave of things that take place; stress at work, not enough devotional time, spending less time with my spouse, not moving as fast in business transactions, not eating right or making time for the gym or not having enough time to blow dry my hair! In my previous days, I would begin to critique myself, criticize my faults and point out everything that is wrong. I am my worst critic for sure. In my spiritual growth I have learned to just look to Jesus and he will reassure me of my value and worth. Despite any of my shortcomings I am made whole and new in Him.

God’s unending love is spilled across every single verse on every page in the bible. When I read his word, it fills my heart with strength and love like none other. His word draws me closer to the truths in my life and blocks out the negative. He reminds me in His word that I don’t have to do a thing but be still and let Him work. He is in control and I have to remain obedient. No matter what, God loves you, knows you and cherishes you perfectly.

Every single time I think about children, expanding my family, adoption or IVF I fight the immediate overwhelming feeling of being forgotten and unloved. Feelings of failure, disappointment and unworthiness began to creep in. I have to force myself to look to the lives of the children I touch, the impact I make in communities where children don’t feel love outside our interaction and the constant pursuit to bring hope to children who have been forgotten. I look at my blessings in the midst of the storm – a renewed faith in God, a stronger spiritual relationship with Him than ever before, a marriage being resurrected/rebirth/rejuvenated/restored and a life that is no longer focused on myself, but on Him. Then I am reminded, God’s purpose is far beyond my understanding. His works are far beyond my imagination and everything He does is for His good and in His time.

God speaks words of life and love to us daily, just when we need it most:

“You are special to me!”

“I love you, no matter your faults!”

“I see your worth!”

“Your every breath matters to me!”

“I am proud of you!”

 When you spend time talking with God revelation occurs and your thinking is changed. God loves when you spend time with Him, it strengthens your relationship and builds you up.

“Do you know how much I love you?

“Are you aware of the distance between My holiness and your sin?”

“Will you let My love meet you in your broken places?”

“Do you know how beautiful you are to Me?”

“Will you trust Me with that obstacle/problem/heartache?”

“Will you acknowledge Me as the source of your significance and the validation you are desperate for?”

These words from God literally convicted my heart immediately. No one and I mean no one can ever diminish who you are in Christ. You are wonderful, you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are valued, you are important, you are needed, You Are.

I want to be so consecrated in His love and truths that nothing can shake my faith, no situation, no person, and no thing in my life can dictate the joy I have in my heart. Instead of living in fear of God’s love and feeling unworthy of that love, I choose to let God’s love affect every inch of my life and to rest my feelings on who He says I am. Boy its good to know the truth.

The more I seek God the more I realize the change I want to see needs to start with me. I am so very blessed in the midst of my storms, yet I pass over acknowledgment of God’s merciful grace by living in yesterday or tomorrow and focusing on the storms creating havoc throughout. All the Lord wants me to do is be right here, right now, in this moment, He is with me in my present.

  • My greatest battle lies within. Control over one’s own emotions, desires and actions often defines the success or the failure of a promise. I work to build self-control so that I may better myself and the world around me.
  • I seek to live a life where what I believe, what I say and what I do are all in harmony. I should treat others the same way I think I should to be treated. As I work to be honest with others, I cannot forget that I must also be honest with myself. The truth is often both hard to deliver and desperately needed.
  • I must be willing to accept personal responsibility for what I have done and what I have failed to do – both in what is good and what is not. Accountability helps me understand that my decisions have consequences. I help hold others accountable, but before I become too upset with the broken promises of others, I remember that I too have weaknesses.

This verse sits on my heart and allows me to “dance in the rain”, because God loves me and has never left me, rejected me, forsaken me or stopped blessing me. I’m learning more and more why I am so strong. Thank God.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-11

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Stepping out on faith and into the Destiny that God has planned for us. Not letting fear of failure hold me back or dictate the moves I make.

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“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

Transition is inevitable and a definite in our lives. We will forever be transitioning until we are no longer on this earth. How we choose to handle the many transitions we will endure is up to us. When I told God to direct my life, lead me and I will follow, show me the way you want me to go, I never imagined things would happen the way they have been. Chains are being broken, restraints are being lifted, doors are flying open, opportunities are soaring in and God’s love is ever abounding. I’m thankful, I’m humble, I’m grateful for the many movements and transitions that are occurring in my world right now. Scaring me silly some days! It’s the mighty movement of God happening right in front of my eyes. Some days I stand in awe and just think “this isn’t a coincidence, this is God!” Letting go has and continues to be one of the scariest things I have ever done in my life. (<insert> I like to plan/control/coordinate everything) Y’all, I battle my doubt/fear/apprehension/etc… daily. One thing I do know though, what is for me is for me and there is nothing that anyone or anything can do to take that away.

Letting go and being held by God, although a small action, is a mighty step of obedience, especially for me. God doesn’t call us to be perfect, He calls us to be obedient. Our life is not our own and the longer we stand in the way of His perfect plan, the longer we delay our destiny. Letting go of infertility insecurity, letting go of marriage struggles, letting go of being used/mistreated/abused, letting go of unforgiveness, letting go of tragedy, trauma, loss, denial and control…letting go of control of things I never really controlled anyways.

My steps are being directed by God, the one who knows my past, present and future. During all these transitions going on in my life right now I am focusing on praying to Him, the one who gives me strength. Every area of my life right now is experiencing significant transition but I know better days are just ahead, I see the preparation for full harvest in the works and I act on faith not on fear.

God has equipped me with those He knew I needed to walk this journey. Those who love me, pray for me, walk with me, do life with me. Thank you. Lunches, texts, phone calls, happy hours, movie nights, prayer, encouragement, support and so much more we pour into each other’s lives. I know that God speaks to us and shows us affirmation through people, places and situations. Im grateful for the right people put in my path to do life with.

One of the greatest compliments of my life which I have heard many many times – “You are the strongest woman I know.” “Well, yeah, whats that getting me?!” Then Joshua 1:9 came across my devotion, I have been commanded to be strong long before I even understood why I needed to be strong. I am commanded to be courageous and not to be afraid or discouraged. Despite everything that I have endured in my life I am hopeful, happy, optimistic, smiling and faithful. God has always been with me, always. In this uncertain season of my life, one thing I know is He is my rock. So I stand courageously knowing that because of him I am strong. I am fearless. I am not afraid.

P.S. Y’all I have a new God baby!!!! Whoop! Whoop! God blessed me with another baby to love on and cherish! Watch out world, my God daughter is here!

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So awkward all this growth, evolution and change in my world, the new is terrifying but I’m going forward boldly and confidently. Battling the doubt and discouragement with the truth of God’s word. There are days I don’t feel like I’m winning the fight but thank God for his affirmation. My desire is to be the fearless woman God calls me to be!