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The first day of a new month. A new beginning. A fresh start. I love day 1. I feel like last month is washed down the drain and although I don’t know what the new month holds I am hopeful and renewed it will be far greater than the last. Last month isn’t forgotten but this month has the lessons of last month as guidance and strength.

Literally I’m exhausted. Like physically and mentally exhausted. The last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of ups and downs and hassles, problems, obstacles, you name it! Life is like a hurricane of occurrences right now. But, as I continue to learn to live in the hands of Jesus I have to remind myself daily to “let it go” and give it to Jesus. Easier, way easier said than done. I have spent far more time worrying and stressed out than I would like to admit.

God knows. He knows every single detail of what is going on in our lives. As I strive to be more Christ like every day I am faced with balancing many different challenges, just as most of us are. Not really knowing what is coming ahead or how we will react to the future happenings. It would be so much easier to just know what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. To be able to fully see God’s plan. Ahhh, wouldn’t that be nice?

We are in a season of unfamiliar territory right now and we are literally only getting glimpses at a time of God’s plans. We are only seeing parts of His plan for us, and He knows it’s difficult for us to only see a trace of His plans. Could we handle knowing his entire plan for our lives? Would we be able to see how our infertility journey would play out? Would we be able to see how our service would impact other people? Or would we see His plan and say “Nope, that’s not what I want. I’m not doing that. What is He thinking?” But we have to go to Him for our every need and we have to thank Him for all he has done. I am literally shocked at his blessings constantly. He amazes me.

If we knew his whole plan would we turn to him? Trust him? Have faith in him? Would we have a relationship with him?

I know now more than I ever have before that my growing relationship with God, my husband, my friends and my family wouldn’t be at the maturity it is if it weren’t for His plans. See, each thing that has happened to me in my life has brought me to where I am today and who I am today. When I look through the rearview mirror I don’t regret, but I do say “If I woulda known” to many things that I see I could have done differently. But that would have changed His plans for my life. That would have made my story different. That would have affected His master plan.

Through every interaction, every situation and every instance I am tested in my faith, in my hope and in my spirit to react the way God is teaching me through His word. I don’t always make the right choices or react the Godly way but I always know his plan has got to be better than mine. That’s not to say that I do not question his method or seek affirmation and guidance or direction. His way proved best in my marriage, when all roads pointed to “D”, we bowed down and dug in and He kept us together. Our marriage is the way it is today because of God’s plan. His plan says in Genesis 2:24 “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Because of God’s plan to make us one flesh we have not been separated and never will be. Our marriage is in a place of safety and peace nestled in the hands of God. Although I cannot see his plan for the expansion of our family I can see how during our infertility journey His way has proven best. His way has saved my life a couple times. His way has increased my morals and values on children, family and foundations. His way has encouraged, grown and enhanced my relationship with Him. We are yet to see His full plan for our children but we remain faithful that He knows what He is doing.

PRIORITY. PERMANENT. ONESNESS. OPENNESS. PURITY.

These are God’s standards for our lives, our marriages and our relationship with him. Even when we don’t see the whole road ahead we must believe by faith that the road keeps going and that our future will be greater than our past.

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