Today is……..National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day. L
Today is a remembrance of what we have been through, what we have lost, what our journey looks like and what we haven’t been blessed with…yet. I am 1 in 4 women who have experienced the loss of a child. I am one of the faces of loss. Sickening to even think the statistics are that prevalent. Thinking of all the women in the world who are in my “circle” of loss. So many I don’t know, some I do know, but we all understand how this day is in remembrance for us.
October 15th used to just be another day, 1 more day closer to my birthday, 1 more day closer to Halloween, just another day of the week. Now October 15th will forever be embedded in our hearts because of all the trauma we have faced and all of the tragedy that we have endured. We have lost four pregnancies, ranging from 6 weeks – 10 weeks. We have listened to hearts beat, saw embryos growing, watched blood levels rising, experienced pregnancy symptoms and growing bellies. But the loss is the thing we are left with, the thing we can’t ever forget.
We want children, there is no denying that. We have absolutely no clue how God will bless our lives with our heart’s desire but we are faithful. Faithful that all things work in His time and for His glory. October 15th is bittersweet. It also reminds me of where we have come from, where we are going and who we owe all the glory to. Our loss has increased our relationship with God. Our loss has deepened our foundation and love in our marriage. Our loss has opened our world to share our testimony with others. Our loss has elevated us in our service with God. Our loss has strengthened and equipped us to fight another day. Because we have lost pregnancies, struggled with infertility and building our family we are closer to God, seeking him in all we do. We are walking and living by faith, faith alone.
I used to think if I work harder, pray harder, be a better person and live as perfectly as possible God would bless us with children. Boy, was I wrong. I was walking around trying to live a works based gospel. I was trying to earn my blessings and my salvation, impossible. I do not have to earn what is already given gracefully to me by God. I do not have to work harder or longer or better to get God’s blessings and mercy. He has already given them to me. Our future children are in God’s perfect plan, although we cannot understand what that plan is, we must remain faithful that He always has a plan, far greater than our imaginations.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
So, we have decided to use this time to heal, physically and mentally from our most recent loss and C-section. We have decided to pray, serve and devote ourselves to growing our relationship with the Lord, our family, our true friends and each other. We won’t be sitting idly waiting for God’s blessing doing nothing. No, we will be working for the Lord in all we do. We will be using what we have right now to go forth and plant seeds that God will bless in our future. We will continue to stay steadfast in our pursuit of our business and the growth of entrepreneurship and we will continue to celebrate life’s blessings with those closest to us. We look forward to having God’s direction to embark on another round of IVF sometime in 2016 but for now we will focus our eyes on the Lord and the blessings we have now.
God elevated us again last night to be God parents. Our dear friends we met through Christ who have become family honored us with the invitation to be the God parents of their new baby girl. GOD parents, what a mighty and blessed invitation. We are thrilled and elated. We know that it was all God’s plan for us to be in their lives, the lives of their children and their new baby on the way. So, on October 15th, in remembrance of our loss, God has given us another addition. I smile and I cry on this day. I am happy and I am sad. But one thing is for sure, we are forever changed by the meanings, resemblance and remembrance of October 15th.
It could be the woman next to you at Starbucks, the woman next to you in the elevator, your mother, your sister, your best friend, it can be anyone. To all the women and men out there who share this day with me, I pray for your peace and comfort. Our stories may not be alike but we unite in the Lord, who is the same today, tomorrow and forever.
“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” – 2 Peter 1:2