F.E.A.R

20160616_114346-1

Busyness doesn’t equal importance and our most important endeavor each day is to simply slow down and connect with our Creator.

The word of the last two weeks for me has been: FEAR. You got it, fear. What do I fear? Why do I fear? What is my fear keeping me from? How do I conquer those fears?

A word for my soul y’all, in every sense of the meaning. When I was given the homework of writing down my fears, how those fears affect my life and how to overcome them, I had a big task at hand that’s for sure. So, we aren’t talking about my fears of bugs (any and all) or my fears of snakes, spiders, etc… No, we are talking about life altering fears that can be crippling and pull me away from the woman I am destined to be. My fear of not being perfect (if I was perfect, we wouldn’t have needed the blood of Jesus, duh!), my fear of not being successful, my fear of not serving enough, my fear of not being the proverbs 31 wife, not being healthy & fit enough, OMG – the list of my fears could go on and on! Fear is a sin, God says not to worry or fear anything, for He will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

“I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears” Psalm 34:4

So, my fears keep me hustling in this life and busy as ever trying to run from my fears because I am afraid they will take over my life. Like, I can outperform my fears! I am guilty of trying to do it all for everybody and wearing every hat I can stack on top of my pretty little head. All the while trying to extinguish these fears of mine by proving I am super human. Hahahah. For real, thank God for His undeserving grace. All these hats and all this busyness can weigh me down and wear me out and I have spent almost all of my life doing and being everything for everyone and never nurturing myself or my soul. In my growth, my evolution, my discovery of myself, that is all changing. Feels weird. Feels different. Looks and sounds different. In today’s society, a climate of endless activities often breeds busyness. And busyness usually births an anxious soul, as we wrongly surmise that busyness equals importance. I had it all wrong, I did more moving than sitting, I was more Mary than Martha, being so consumed by the tasks than building the relationships.

“But I trust in you, LORD; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands.” Psalm 31:14-15

This anxiety, this need to make sure I am everything to everyone has caused me to make some mistakes over the years. A lot of mistakes. Primarily putting myself last. I’ve missed important events, not being in the moment, missing the blessing of my journey and lacking peace and rest. I haven’t perfectly mastered the art of the right “yes” and the right “no” but I am further ahead in learning that I have to make time for me, for God and for the things that are important. We only get one shot at this life and happiness is crucial. Disorder in our life brings so much stress because we try to hang on to more than we can handle. I’m learning that I find more peace when I let go of the clutter and focus on the joy of being a faithful steward of the life God gave me.

2016-06-14_03-37-09

For years all I have thought about is what I need to do to expand my family, what the next step is to overcoming infertility, how to prioritize my marriage, keeping the perfect home, serving God fully, working three jobs, running a business… and on it goes. While my unfinished tasks may tempt me to worry, Christ stands whispering … Stop. Halt the hustle. Resist the rush. Press pause to find a little calm in the chaos. Seek first My kingdom and My righteousness, and all of these things will be given to you as well.

God reassured me He doesn’t need me to manage everything, just what He’s called me to do.

Out goes the stuff that overwhelms me: the busyness, the hurry, distractions or idleness, disorganization, perfectionism or any other roadblocks to peace. I’m not running from these fears anymore – I’m facing them head on with the truths of His word. I am learning self-love, self-worth and self-identity on a whole new level. I am learning that saying “no” is okay and not being everything to everyone won’t push me any further from Heaven. These thing may be normal for most, but for me, they are new lessons, like a child learning to read. Hard to understand, immense effort required, but at completion of learning, an understanding that opens worlds of opportunity and clarity.

It’s easy to misplace our identity in such roles. And sadly for many believers, often the last hat we place on top is the crown we wear as a daughter of the King of Kings. Different seasons of life bring change to our world, and change brings the need for continual refinement. So often we are measured in this culture by things that have little eternal value, like how in shape (or out-of-shape) we are, the size of our home, the prestige of our job, our cute shoes or wardrobe. Always being discontent. It’s not discontentment anymore in the place I am at, it’s the desire to continually work towards being the woman who God has called me to be, the best me I can be while appreciate and loving every second of where I am at.

I am strong because of Him
I am generous in His name
I am loved by Him
I am fearless because of Him
I live boldly because of Him

Maybe, just maybe, His words will prompt us to do a little hat-reduction, ridding our schedules of some of the activities that clamor for our attention, unsettle our souls and draw us away from time spent with Him. I want relationships over busyness. It’s not about perfection, it’s about progression.

Leave a Reply