No one wants to have their hearts broken. But being wounded in the deepest places happens. Sometimes it just seems to be a part of life. And when the hard times come, it impacts us very deeply.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” – 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” – James 1:2-3
I’ve been so overwhelmed with anger, fear, doubt, stress, anxiety and sadness the last two days I haven’t even been able to write. It’s safe to say that I was all in my “woe is me” moment. When are we going to catch a break? It’s like 1 hurricane after another with no hopes of completely rebuilding. I literally was crying out to God saying “Why us, when does this end?!”
Despite my humanistic thoughts he continued to fill me through his word each day. I’ve read about being pressed for preservation, about being alone but God is still with us in the silent times and about being filled with anger, fear and doubt. I haven’t quit reading or praying. He is still using his word to move in my life.
I cried on the way to work 4 out of 5 days, healthy or crazy?! LOL. I compartmentalize and internalize much of what happens to me and although I excel in communication there is much I hold inside which then turns into anger and frustration. Maybe all the tears are cleansing my heart and soul. Maybe it’s just an outward expression of what I feel inside. Life is so very disappointing at times and in the midst of this torrential down pour in our lives I feel completely wrecked. I haven’t lost hope or faith….maybe my hope and faith are only the size of a mustard seed though. But, that’s all God says we need.
I’ve gotten some great Christian council this week and others have shared their stories with me giving me more hope but this week seems to have really been tough on us. I mean we really took an extra beating this week. Yet, we are still crippled over at the feet of Jesus broken and wondering what glory is going to come from all this?! Most days this week I just felt like pulling the covers back over my head and sleeping…all…day! But thank God for obligations, priorities and commitments. When you’re called your committed. Being back on routine feels good and helps take my mind off the chaos sometimes. Work, church, family, serving these are all things I genuinely love and bring me happiness. So, we choose to be still at his feet and meditate on his word so that his direction will be revealed to us.
Do we start adoption? Do we try another round of IVF? Do we just throw our hands up and say forget it? Why am I left with this horrible scar? Why are there career challenges? Why, Why, Why, Why?
Our prayers are that every situation we are going through is a blessing and pruning us for the unimaginable harvest that is coming our way. God reign down your blessings on us.
I pray that Jesus continues to transform us and use us for his greater good. That all things brought unto us we overcome and give Glory to his name. That through all the struggles come triumphs that build testimonies!
- “For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him.” – 1 Samuel 1:27
- “He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the LORD!” – Psalm 113:9
- “By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised.” – Hebrews 11:11