HI-AT-US!!! LOL Whooo I have been MIA from blogging and the social world! Hubby and I have been battling being sick for the last 2 weeks and we are finally getting somewhat better and back to some normalcy! Then 50 hours of straight rain! LOL
I’ve had so much going on and so many things happening that even during our “sickness” we have been continuously blessed. It’s so easy for us to focus on the negative and get caught up in the whirlwind of self-pity, doubts and what ifs. I’m just so very thankful that we choose to live in faith and leave the rest to God.
I’ve been reading a lot about Joseph lately and poor Joseph, his life was so hard. Handsome, loved and the favorite child, yet he experienced tremendous suffering. He was deceived by his siblings, sold to slavery and had a life of torture and pain. But his story is glorious, it’s a love story of how much God loved him. See, God never left Joseph alone, he never took his eyes off of Joseph. Even while in prison God elevated Joseph to positions of authority and blessed him. God loved Joseph so much and his promises to Joseph were manifested by Joseph’s faith.
Joseph had Godly character, the kind of character I work on and pursue daily. No matter what others did to him, he never treated them unfairly or held grudges. When his brothers tried to kill him and sold him to slavery he didn’t seek revenge, when the pharaoh was freed from prison and forgot Joseph upon his release, Joseph didn’t speak evil about him. Everything Joseph did was for the Lord and by Faith. That kind of faith is abounding and amazing.
God used Joseph’s situations to get Joseph to where He needed him. His story spoke to my heart and convicted my soul. No matter what has happened to us in our life we must choose to live by faith and be the salt and light to others. We are not forgotten. I am not forgotten, God hasn’t taken his eyes off of us. For me – Joseph reminds me that I need to treat others kindly no matter what they may do or say; that I must always choose to show God’s love even when it isn’t deserved. I must have faith that God’s plan is better than mine and that he will never put me through anything I cannot overcome. That although I haven’t had children yet, that doesn’t mean God isn’t going to bless us with children. That I must move forward in the present and the future without ill will, grudges or animosity to others. I cannot have hate in my heart and love for Jesus at the same time. God is love.
God “broke” Joseph by taking him out of comfortable circumstances and stretching him. God often has to “break” us before He can use us.
October is such a fun month for me, the month I was birthed and the month I was married. 2 remarkable moments in time that God ordained and blessed. But, this month always brings time of reflection, analysis and forecasting. Reflecting on the past year, analyzing the present and forecasting for the future. So, ok, confession: I’m an imperfect perfectionist who is a OCD scheduling maniac with a secret super woman cape under my clothes and an infinite workaholic nature. So I am always in “planning”, “reflecting”, “analyzing” mode when it comes to myself, my marriage, my life and my choices. I’ve been guilty of previously being stuck in the past, only looking through the rear-view mirror, missing all of the present and short-changing my future. Living in faith frees me a little more every day. Frees me of the condemnation of my past, frees me of the guilt, the pain, the failures, the mistakes and the suffering. Faith allows me to live in the moment and look into the future. Knowing that I am not in control, but He who is perfect controls my life.
I don’t have to wear the cloak of my past mistakes, I don’t have to wear the scarlet letter of my infertility, I don’t have to be persecuted daily for the wrongs I have done. Although I can reflect on my past, it’s just for a brief “rear view” glance, for my future will be greater than my past. I honor my past, the things that I have endured and survived and I honor what they have helped me become. Every day I breathe air on this earth proves God isn’t done with me yet.
Normally, I get depressed around my birthday, there is a bucket full of things I didn’t do, I didn’t accomplish, I didn’t blah blah blah. This year I choose to look at what my past was and honor it, then move on. Challenging myself to really live in the moment, for we will never have this moment again. I’m not going to beat myself up with an impossible goal list for next year, rather I am going to seek God’s direction and align myself with His purpose for my life. The people, places and things that should be will be, what’s for me is for me and no one can take that away.
Josephs’ life teaches us that disappointments are vital to spiritual growth because they demand faith and resting all hope upon God.
This past year almost broke me down, took me to a place I never thought I would be and almost made me just throw my hands up and say “forget it all, I’m done.” This journey isn’t easy, this life isn’t easy, and I don’t have a past that is all peachy and silver spoon fed. I’ve experienced far more disappointment and suffering in my life than the average 30 something. But this isn’t a sad song, this isn’t a pity party, this is a testimony of hope, faith and endurance. A testimony of what happens when you never give up and never give in. My spiritual growth is accelerated by my journey, it’s like gasoline on a fire. Who knows if I would have the faith I do without the things I have survived.
So I happily embrace and honor my past but I am no longer dwelling in it or letting it take up too much space in my life. I have too much life to live and too many people to help! God continues to elevate and bless those that wait on him. In the waiting room I am serving, living, loving and enjoying the ride. Even in the rain I will dance and sing.
There is no mistake in where God has you. Allow Him to use you where you are.