It’s war!

UH Homecoming Game 11/7/15

UH Homecoming Game 11/7/15

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Fear. It’s satan’s way of sneaking in and uprooting and destroying our lives. It’s the enemy’s most powerful weapon he uses to destroy us. Worry, anxiety, fear…can overwhelm us with a thick shadow of darkness, controlling our every move and decision. For me, fear is crippling. The worry and anxiety are a place of spiritual warfare where I battle most often. Living under the weight of the “what if’s” is a hard place to dwell.

There is so much going on in and around our lives today and fear, worry and anxiety make these things even more difficult to deal with. I haven’t blogged in the last couple of weeks not only because of the hectic-ness of my schedule but because I have been battling the spiritual warfare that fear, worry and anxiety have brought me. I have been feeling out of character and have had some long and hard days. But, I know my relationship with the Lord is growing and I am getting stronger in his word every day. The more I want to revert to my old sinful ways of dealing with and approaching situations the more I am reminded that I choose to live based upon God’s word. I have begun to learn how to fight the devil and his evil ways and I am learning to live in the word, in the truth and in the light of God’s word.

Tulum, MX 10/29/15

Tulum, MX 10/29/15

I’m paralyzed some days with the fear, anxiety and worry of the world. The burdens I try to carry some days feel far heavier than I will ever be able to manage. Fear of failed friendships, a failed marriage, never being able to have children, never gaining financial maturity, failed businesses and failed relationship with the Lord. Do I read enough, do I pray enough, have I sinned too much, have I served enough? Relationships are extremely hard and require constant work and nurturing. I’m constantly beating myself up with my perfectionist judgement and expectations of myself. “Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” Psalm 55:22 I have to retrain my mind, retrain my thoughts and focus on the relationship I have and I am continuously building with the Lord. He is not a performance based God and I am His beloved. He loves me and forgives me. I do not have to earn that, worry about that or fear that He wont love me. He already does.

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Psalm 94:19

Birthday dinner in Tulum

I continue to work daily on spiritual growth and meditation. I haven’t mastered meditating or sitting in God’s presence but that doesn’t mean I am going to quit. That silence, me repeating verses over and over open the mind to begin flowing into different thoughts and places that seem to murky the whole point of meditation. Peace. My eyes well up with tears, my mind begins to go over past failures, judgements, and situations. Sometimes I leave my time of mediation feeling worse that I did before I sat to meditate. But I know that God deserves that one on one time with me and if I do not keep working at it our relationship cannot grow. I need to be in His presence, I need the truth of His words to banish any fear, doubt, anxiety or worry I have. I need Him to change the things I have zero control over. I know that over hours, days, weeks and months meditating on the word of God will deliver my mind from the things it battles against.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

I’ve been spending time reading, praying, asking for prayer, seeking Christian council and fighting off the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. If God is for us, then who can be against us? Mighty movements are happening all around me and I want to embrace them and be present in them, even during my times of struggle. The holiday season is upon us and I overwhelmingly LOVE holidays, birthdays, parties, hosting, or anything for that matter that celebrates life, love and renewal. I want to steady my mind on the blessings I have been given and those that are yet to come. I fall short every day, but I am thankful that the Lord our Father has already forgiven me, accepted me and loves me just as I am. I choose not to allow fear, worry , doubt and anxiety to control my life, I choose to guard my heart and I choose to focus my mind on what is truth in the midst of uncertain times.

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We might still feel afraid, but we can believe that God is with us. We may not be in control, but we can trust the One who is. We may not know the future, but we can know the God who does. He is with us and all around us. These burdens are His to carry. Jesus please be a fence around me and help me to make the right choices in who I am, how I behave and what I think.

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Fred Hammond & RFC – Jesus Be a Fence Around Me

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