Let it go…

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” – Proverbs 19:21

Even when I feel in control I realize I am completely out of control. God is the only one in control. No matter what decision, action or plan I have he is the ultimate decision maker. Encapsulated in the brokenness of our surroundings we constantly forget to trust in him and what his word promises to us. This place of uncomfortableness is havoc wreaking and mentally draining.

I’m a mistake maker, a true sinner. I have to consciously work daily on overcoming, forgiving, faithfulness, hope and positivity. I struggle at times and make mistakes along the way. I beat myself up for being unable to perfectly conquer the things in my head, my life, and my world. No matter how many times you do right, it’s the one time you mess up that stays lingering in the air. I have to ask forgiveness, assume responsibility and reflect on how I react to what happens to me.

I literally come crawling at the feet of Jesus, falling at his feet begging for his grace, his mercy, his forgiveness. I’m continuously learning that I fall short of deserving his grace and mercy but yet he continuously pours it over me. When I fall short of being a Godly wife and living as a Proverbs 31 wife I have to ask forgiveness. When I show anything less than kindness and grace despite how I feel inside I have to ask forgiveness. I have nothing to offer God, nothing but this broken heart and tortured soul.

In this season in our lives I am learning that I cannot control everything. I want to do things my way, I want to dictate what will happen in my life and I want to know the end result. God is using this season to show me his power. His mighty power. His forgiving heart and his necessary place in my life. See, I am forced to be faithful, forced to be hopeful and forced to sit as his feet with my arms reaching up to him when all I want to do is get into “solution mode” and try and fix everything going on. He has been in control the entire time.

Every second changes the perspective I have on this season and transition in our lives. I fight my mind constantly being “on” and never being able to escape my own thoughts. Some days it’s all I can do to just sit quietly and not stir the pot any more. Although not perfect, my husband deals with a mixture of things that arise from minute to minute, some of them not positive, desirable or loving. The days of crying, the times of negativity and doubt and the times of ugliness and bitterness. Things that we can’t control or choose not to control. Submitting to God and relinquishing control over this life continually challenges me.

“But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26

If I can lean on his word, allow it to flow through my mind, my heart, my head, and my life I know his graciousness will abound mercifully. If I can turn to God to control the hurt, the pain, the disappointments of this life I can be the Godly wife he calls me to be, I can be the woman of Christ that he expects me to be and I can let his light shine through me so that others know the love of Jesus.

My control is about this state of “infertility”, this season of financial/career decisions, this restoration in our marriage and the family/friend balance in our lives. But, His control is about Holiness, Godliness, Eternity, Glorifying his name, praising him in all we do. His control is about who we are, whose we are and our very existence in this life. I am reactive, I am trying to control the situations that have happened. He is proactive and knows the whole story, he controls everything that happens.

I was challenged to meditate on a few scriptures and listen for God’s direction. It isn’t about the scriptures I choose, it’s about relinquishing my control and sitting in the moment listening to God, giving him the time he deserves to come in and fill my heart and my head with his promises. Letting go of control and just sitting with him clearing everything that isn’t as important and giving him the space to fill my life.

It’s not about what you control it’s about who is in control. The season that we’re in we cannot control but we can stand in faith that He is in control. He knows what’s best for us and has this all planned out. He is just waiting for us to submit to Him and allow Him to reign over our lives. Jesus has never made 1 mistake, never had an “oops” moment and never lost control.

Hard seasons produce strong believers and tough times don’t last, when life gives us more than we can handle and we think “I can’t do this anymore”, God is calling us to come to him and kneel. He will take the burden and the load.

“but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” – Isaiah 40:31

Speak to my heart Lord: Give Me Faith – Elevation Worship

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