My Sight

This morning as hubby and I spent our first 5 with God we questioned our vision. If you know me you know I cannot see far (even though the eye doctor says I’m fine) but the Mr. has great vision and can see clearly with ease. But, what are we not seeing?

Have we been spiritually blind to the work of Jesus in our lives? First 5

Yes and No.

When I spoke this question we both instantly realized we overlook the blessings in our lives because God isn’t doing what we want him to do.

While reading my morning devotional I came across this: Most of us tend to have this idea that since God is sovereign, he is supposed to make everything work out perfectly. Nothing is supposed to touch us as long as we’re walking with him. I pondered on that. Yes, that sounds right! I am living my life with Jesus, everything is supposed to go MY WAY! Its like God the genie, my genie in a bottle! hahahah Oh. My. Gosh. I know I bring laughter to God when I constantly try to tell God what is supposed to be happening and the plans I have.

Now, believe you me, I/we are not perfect by any means. Matter of fact, we are so imperfect we have to ask God’s forgiveness daily. However, I/we know God’s unconditional love and forgiveness and we know that our sins have been washed away. So, the humanistic nature of who we are expects God to make all things work without any struggle.

When I look back over the last few years I see that it is in our struggle some of the greatest parts of our journey have risen. How can goodness come from suffering? Pregnancy loss #2 at 10 weeks pregnant almost took my life. Pregnancy loss #3 at 9 weeks pregnant almost took my marriage and bankrupt us financially. Pregnancy loss #4 at 6 weeks pregnant almost took my life. In these storms how could there ever be a positive outcome?
Pregnancy loss #2 resulted in emergency life saving surgery on the day of my husband’s birthday and brought us more clarity on the infertility steps we would have to take in the future. God saved my life as a gift to my husband on the day of his birth. There was no more squandering money on fertility treatments because we were confirmed with the doctors that IVF is the only way for possible conception.
Pregnancy loss #3 was from our first round of IVF and resulted in a miscarriage and DNC at 9 weeks. We were financially in over our heads and had spent more money on the IVF round than we anticipated. Pair that with dishonesty in our marriage, lack of commitment and selfishness and we were headed down the “D” road..divorce. We were physically, emotionally and financially exhausted and ready to throw in the towel. It was a very, very, very long road of recovery but from this tragedy God delivered us into a restored union of faith, love, commitment, integrity and Godliness. If God never gives me another thing in my life I would thank him every day for the marriage we have built. 2 completely imperfect people who made the choice to love each other and love God despite our imperfections. We are forever in awe of God’s work in, through and for our marriage. Entangled in the apex with the Lord has changed our marriage forever. We rooted ourselves in our church, plugged in to serving and connected with other Christians. Life changing. Team Phillips is still going strong, shame the devil!

God defies all odds, what he has brought together let no one tear apart. October 2, 2009

God defies all odds, what he has brought together let no one tear apart.

Pregnancy loss #4 resulted in emergency surgery which saved my life, yet again. With this loss still being fresh there has already been a plethora of positive things such as the decision to finally launch this blog, the growth of my personal relationship with God and the continued growth of my relationship with my husband. I can only imagine what else is yet to come.

God is in absolute control of all life, he is not the cause of all life’s mishaps. His plan allows those mishaps for the great purpose of raising up “brethren conformed to the image of Christ” Romans 8:29

So, when I ask myself if I am spiritually blind to the work of Jesus in our lives, the answer is yes. We are abundantly blessed beyond measures and beyond what we deserve. But because God wont do what I want when I want I act like a spoiled brat and turn away from all of the blessings that are in my life. I want to see him, I want to see what he is doing in our lives. Everywhere you look, there is blessing. In your darkest struggles there is still blessing. Sometimes you just have to readjust your focus or turn your eyes a different direction.

We think he’ll make us happy but he plans to make us holy.


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